The Full Version

Growing up, sports were my greatest love. My first word was ball and ever since I learned to walk by throwing and chasing one, I was off to the races and never looked back. Baseball was my heart’s passion and I dedicated myself to it with complete devotion.

From the outside looking in, I was incredibly successful. Despite being told over and over that I would never make it to the next level, I became a star player and MVP on several championship teams, from the youth leagues all the way through college. It was with incredible amounts of support, hard-work, and natural talent that I persevered and chased my dream of becoming a big leaguer.

Along with my athletic achievements, I was also fortunate to be gifted in academics, graduating in the top 10% of my class in both high school and college and receiving several awards for academic achievement, including the Dean’s List and Academic First Team All Conference.

However, even though I looked like I had everything together; that wasn’t the full story. While on the outside it appeared that I was thriving, on the inside I was miserable.

For much of my life I was plagued by both severe anxiety and depression, constantly putting on a brave face to show everyone I was ok. I was the definition of “fake-it-til-you-make-it.” It’s not that all my inherent qualities of dedication, a strong work-ethic, a kind heart, and an intelligent mind were not authentic, it was simply that I never let anyone know how deeply I was hurting.

If I got a poor grade on a test or struck out in an at bat I was overwhelmed with self-loathing. Before class and games I would go into the bathroom panicking, trying to calm down. I was so afraid to fail, so afraid to be rejected, because my sense of self worth was completely wrapped up in my accomplishments.

If I got an A on a test or played well in the game the storm eased and I felt ok about myself for a moment. However, shortly afterwards, the pain of feeling inadequate would come rushing back and would drive me to achieve something else, thereby creating a dreadful cycle of fear, doubt, and an overwhelming sense of “I’m not good enough.”

Things started to change in college. I met teammates and coaches who supported me no matter what and who genuinely cared about my well-being. They were people I could trust to have my back and who always pushed me to be better, not to ease a burden, but to pursue excellence.

That being said, while things had improved, the anxiety and depression never really went away. This was because I hadn’t truly dealt with the root cause. I was constantly trying to escape my pain and in doing so had created a divide within myself; a gap between my authentic self and the desire to run away from my problems.

The day my life changed was after I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and my head coach called me out on it.

All he did was tell me the truth. He told me that I had lost my integrity because my actions didn’t match my words. I talked about doing the right thing, I told others I would, and yet I didn’t. I kept coming up with excuses for my behavior and deflecting responsibility anywhere but onto myself.

That confrontation with the truth changed my life forever. My coach spoke truth into my life because he loved me and knew I was capable of more. He saw greatness in me and loved me enough to tell me what I needed to hear.

For the first time in many years, I hit my knees and prayed, asking of God one simple request, “Please help me.” Those three words altered the entire trajectory of my life and are the words that connected me to the power of being coached and the satisfaction of being a coach.

Those three words helped me to discover and live the truth of who I am today.

They showed me that I am a man of honor, integrity, faith, conviction, belief, and power. A man who dedicates his life to helping others discover the truth about themselves and to live that truth to the fullest.

My greatest passion now is empowering others to be their best and helping them to live a life that is meaningful, fulfilling, and of their own design.

I have dedicated my life to the pursuit of authenticity and truth and I am honored to share what I’ve learned to help others to do the same.

Thank you for taking time to read about my story; I cannot wait to learn about yours.

With extreme gratitude,

JM